There's a way to communicate with a
man and keep him invested in you and the relationship, without any convincing
at all. Doing this involves three key elements.
COMMUNICATION
TIP #1: Truly Listen
Men, just like women, need to feel
like it's okay to have their feelings, and that they will be heard and
respected. And when they realize their partner isn't really listening or
interested in who they truly are or how they truly feel, they will start to
shut off bit by bit.
A man can sense how a woman is
trying to talk with him or ask him questions, and he can sense if there are
intense emotions behind what she's saying.
That's why for a man, there are
really two main ways that he will sense a woman's communication in these more
intense times of potential relationship conflict.
A man will either sense that:
-
You are asking him to talk and share
in order to truly try and understand
both him and your relationship better.
Hint: I think of this as "listening to hear the truth,"
not "listening to hear what you
want to hear," and there's a HUGE difference. It's this kind of listening
to genuinely hear the truth that creates the critically important "safe
space" a man needs to sense for him to share HIS true feelings with you.
Or, on the other hand, a man will
sense that...
-
You are asking him to talk and share
not to truly talk and listen, but in order to play out your own feelings that
you are having a hard time with, or to vent difficult feelings you don't know
how to communicate.
Guess which way of talking and
listening makes a man feel most comfortable to open up and respond with a
deeper level of thought, care and honesty? And guess which way of asking a man
a question and listening makes him have a difficult time opening up and being
honest about his true feelings?
Now... knowing this, the question is
how do you communicate in those important times where you're feeling something
and you need to talk with your man? Which way do you approach the conversation,
and are you asking to hear his truth and share yours?
Or are you asking because you need
to first find a way to unlock all the feelings you're having a hard time
understanding, and you hope to hear what you want to hear from him?
Keep this in mind the next time you're
communicating with a man so that you listen without judgment and preconceived
ideas about what he "should" say.
COMMUNICATION
TIP #2: Quiet the Criticism
There's something absolutely
critical you need to get about men if you want to enjoy a lasting relationship
that feels easy and like a "fit" for YOU and for the man you're with.
It's this...
Men do not respond to criticism in relationships.
Now, this might sound obvious, but
it's incredible how many relationships have this dynamic where men, either
accidentally perceive a woman's communication as criticism... or where a woman
is accidentally criticizing in an effort to make the relationship better.
You should know that most couples do
not see it when they're criticizing each other. That's why it's the subtleties
of how criticism starts to undermine both partners in the relationship and turn
them against each other that make criticism so destructive.
In the end, criticism will motivate
a man to distance himself from you and see your relationship as a negative
place he needs to get away from in order to feel better about himself.
When a man feels criticized, he'll
do most or all of the following:
·
Stop communicating any appreciation
for the woman.
·
Feel like a failure in his life and
in your relationship and stop trying or being passionate,
·
Find ways to act out either directly
or indirectly to express his frustration.
·
Spend more time away from you and
your relationship.
·
Stop letting you in on his deeper
thoughts and feelings and shut you out.
·
No longer want to know and
understand your feelings.
·
Avoid the effort of been a source of support or comfort for you
Looking at that list, you can see
that criticism shuts down some huge emotional areas in a man. When you think
about it, criticism is just one way to try and create change and to motivate
someone (a man) to do something differently.
Can you think of a more effective
way of communicating with a man that will get you the response you really want with him in your
relationship?
There's something that truly works
with men...
COMMUNICATION TIP #3: Show Appreciation
A man wants to be respected for his
thoughts and actions, and the way you communicate this to him is by showing appreciation.
Unfortunately, often time’s women,
especially smart, independent, and successful women, unintentionally block
opportunities for a man to please them. In short, they make it difficult for a
man to do for them the very things they'd like to receive!
If you're used to being a go-getter
and taking matters into your own hands at work and in your daily life, you
might accidentally be preventing a man from stepping in and being the man for you.
So, not only is he not able to
please you and DO for you, but there are fewer opportunities for you to show appreciation for him.
This
Is An Easy Fix, But It Takes Practice
It means you need to practice
letting go of the reigns of the relationship and LET HIM do more for you. You
don't need to do anything at all for this to happen, all you need to do is stop
DOING, and this will create the space for him to move forward and DO for you.
That's when you'll create fresh opportunities to acknowledge
and appreciate him when he does.
Appreciation is the fuel the feeds a man's passion for you and makes him not
want to leave your side.
Be Inspired!
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