God’s Principle for Youths

- Make time to talk. 

Leaving issues unresolved soon leads to a buildup that could be explosive. Make time to talk to your partner. Communicate. See what has been bugging him or her and nip the matter in the bud. If you are too busy to spare some time for quality communication with your partner, you will soon have all the time in the world with nobody to share with, when he or she get frustrated with your presence.

- Be willing to make up.

Always be willing to make up, no matter who is at fault or what caused a disagreement. Show this by your attitude towards your partner. Some people once face, thereby putting a brick wall between themselves and their partner. This is wrong. The Bible says in Proverbs 19:11, The discretion of a man deferreth his anger. Even in trouble situations, be the peacemaker, still call your partner by his or her pet name and talk to him or her with kind words. What you have is a misunderstanding not a war. If you treat it like a war, then that is the real conflict, and not the unresolved issue.

- Do not act or speak when you are angry.

You have probably heard people say that, if you speak when you are angry, you will make the best speech you will ever regret. Saying things out of annoyance could spark off conflicts, and this has the potential of creating a situation worse than what got you angry in the first place. When you are angry, your feelings have probably been hurt in some way, but do you have to hurt someone else to soothe yourself? Two wrongs don't make a right. Take time to cool off, and say some thing nice.

- Don't take advantage of your partner's vulnerability.

Your partner can afford to be vulnerable in your presence if he or she trust you. However, if you attack him or her with the things you know when you want to gain upper hand in argument, if you do - you are declaring war. Conflict can erupt in this way. If your partner cannot be vulnerable in your presence, then your relationship is not worth the time.

- Don't be insensitive.

The disapproval of a situation in a relationship may result in one party making certain requests. At first, this request is usually polite or made with minimal signs of irritation. When this request is ignored, it is often interpreted as either a challenge or rejection. Either way, the result is confrontation. Be sensitive to your partner's concern.

- Compromise.

In every dispute, all the partners involved hold on to a particular position or idea as it suits them, some times selfishly. A dispute between you and your intended spouse is no exception. When you hold on tenaciously to your point of view and your partner does the same, there is bound to be a stalemate. The conflict continues, even against your best wishes. You are hoping that your partner will into your position while she or her is expecting you to do the same. There should, however, not be competition between you. The real competition is out there. Be mature about this, let go of some of your desires, meet your partner halfway. Rationality means accepting a discomfort in the interest of peace.

- Process your anger.

There is a verse that starts with, 'when a man loses his temper, his reason goes on vacation.' It may shock you to learn that when you are angry the difference between you and a madman is not of kind, but of degree. There are many ways to handle anger, acceptable and unacceptable. You could choose to suppress your anger, in which case you know that you are angry and, instead of letting it out, you deliberately try to control it. You want to maintain peace on the outside but there is no peace on the inside. Or you can express your anger by pouncing on the other person with hot words, not caring how much what you have say hurts. You can also repress your anger. In this case, you do not want to accept that you are angry, probably because you believe that it is a sin to be angry. Pretending not to be angry, rather than solving any problems, on defers the doomsday. When you finally explode, you yourself will not believe the depth and scope of your anger. All these are unwholesome ways of handling anger, and when anger is denied or mishandled it is bound to come out in indirect spasms. You must learn to process your anger. Processing your anger entails, first of all, acknowledging the fact that you are angry, then taking time to simmer down by doing something that takes your mind off the object of your annoyance. Reflect on the issue rationally, seek information, on the situation, then approach your partner and talk about the issue in a civilized manner. In other words, refine your anger.

- Pray.

The quickest way to get back on your feet is to get down on your knees. Even the worst conflicts are a result of raging emotions, and I must remind you that you do not own yourself, nor can you choose the wavelength of your emotions. You can only control your emotions through the help of God that put it there. I want to appreciate this. God is your Father and his greatest desire is for you to have fellowship with him. Have reverence for him. Tell him your problems. The man who kneels before God can stand up to any thing, no matter how dangerously his temper chooses to flare. He that authored it can put it in check, and the beautiful part of it is that Psalm 145:18 says: The Lord is nigh to all of them that call to him, to all that call him in truth. The power is within your reach, all you have to do is use it - PRAY!

Problems and differences in relationships or in the family do not become dangerous unless you don't talk about them. The inability to communicate these problems and differences puts the relationship in great danger.

Here are ways to improve your communication with your love mate or spouse to be.

- What are your speech patterns, thoughts and actions like? Are you the kind of person who is quick in speech, thought and action? Do you waste any time in making your opinion known or taking action? You have to make sure that these habit agree with your partner's disposition.

- How do you and your love mate communicates? Do you know how to communicate? Courtship is a time for interviews, not intercourse. Communication is the exchange of feelings and information. See it as the life of the relationship. Where there is no communication, there is no information. Where there is no information, there is no understanding. Where there is no understanding, there is no relationship. Where there is no relationship, there is no love. What blood is to the body, communication is to a relationship. When blood stops flowing, the body becomes lifeless. When communication stops, your relationship dies.

Be particular about the way you and your partner communicate. A pastor once says, communication is not out yelling or out talking your partner. Intimidating your partner through temper is not communication.

Communication is giving your partner the freedom to disagree with you without flying into a rage, without pouting for a week.

Communication is when you and your partner can sit down and talk to each other one on one or through phone conversation about who you are, what you think, what you feel, what you love, what you honour, what you esteem, what you hate, what you fear, what you desire, what you hope, what you believe in, what you are committed to. If you can't tell your partner all these things without being cut short, your martial journey does not stand a good chance of succeeding.

- Do you spend time together communicating verbally or do you only spend time touching each other? Touching can fast-forward emotions and make you feel what is not there. If your relationship has been based on touching more than talking, what you feel for this person, which you think is love, could be lust.

Be careful, marriage is not based on good looks but on good communication.

- Do your partner listen to your suggestion, ideas and ideals or will your partner dismiss your criticisms and reject your input and participation in the relationship?

You should be able to judge this from the manner in which the two of you act. If he or she disregards you, there shouldn't be any reason to take the relationship further, except if you don't mind that attitude. However, a person who does not mind being unsatisfied has not developed normally and will be unlikely to sustain a relationship.

Does your partner talk down on you?

A person that talks down on you rather than talks to you or with you, does not have the right attitude for an interactive relationship like martial journey.

 How is your partner's choice of words?

Does your partner utter profanities or words that inspire? Would your partner curse more readily than bless? The bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The words you use convey the state of your mind.

Does your partner listen when you talk?

Your partner should listen to you with full attention when you are talking. Total attention shows concern and care. Not paying attention or listening passively, communicates insensitivity or disregard for your person.

Does your partner avoid issues or discuss them?

Would your partner rather get up and walk than sit down and talk? Does your partner make excuses when you need to discuss some thing you consider crucial to both of you, especially when it is tasking or challenging? Such a person has not matured enough to withstand the challenges of relationship or marriage.

How committed is your partner to maintaining healthy communication?

Your partner should be very positive about communication. Your partner should always be ready to talk and explain things so that you are left in no doubts about the true positions. A good partner should always reach out and talk, even when the other is withdrawn or non-communicative.

Do you feel free to disagree with your partner on any issue?

If your partner lashes out when you disagree with an issue, your partner may have a domineering attitude in relationship or marriage. This is dangerous.

Have you and your partner discussed your differences?

Are you both aware of the differences between a male gender and female gender? Have you discussed your background? Do you both know the things you do and do not expect from each other? True equality in martial journey is achieved when a husband and a wife come to understand, appreciate and honour each other's difference.

Conflict Resolution

Ephesians 4:26-27 Be ye angry, and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath; neither give place to the devil.

Handling conflict the wrong way may also be responsible for your wanting to break up a promising relationship. If every thing is always right in your relationship, then, most definitely, some thing is wrong somewhere. One or both of the people involved are pretending, suppressing emotions or bottling up anger. This is dangerous and I suggest that you take more time to study your love mate. Disagreements are essential ingredients for growth in relationships and where there is no pretence, there must be disagreements. Compatibility is, of course, a fundamental building block in any successful relationship. Compatibility brings comfort, safety and understanding. However, is it possible to have too much compatibility? Yes! Every growing relationship needs a little incompatibility, a little conflict to give it some life.

However, a relationship that constantly in conflict definitely does not afford growth opportunities. This would clearly point to an obvious lack of compatibility. If you have a partner that picks a quarrel with almost every thing you do, and never see things your way, or is always compromising his or her view point, I think you need to pack your bag fast. The altar can wait. Hahahhahah... You are not going to spend your life resolving conflicts, even though they are a natural phenomenon.

Disagreements should occur at appreciable intervals and not every minute of every day. When they do come, they should be seen as opportunities to solve one more differences or one more affinity problem. This will only be the case if both of you are ready to make compromises and accept a middle course gracefully on issues where you hold different opinion.

Hits on avoiding disagreements.

  

There are some things you can do to minimize disagreements and help work out your differences.

- Avoid Assumption.

Assumptions have been known to kill a good relationship. When you have doubts about your partner's intentions, give him or her benefit of the doubt and allow the situation to become clearer. Better still, you can ask him or her in a peaceful, loving manner. The bible says in Proverbs 15:1, A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous word stir up anger.

- Avoid referring to the past.

Do not be like the archaeologist that lives by digging up the past. This is certain to trigger conflict. Every human being has an aspect of his or her past that is undesirable and if your partner has shared his or hers with you, this is an act of love and trust for it will not do your relationship any good. You will do well if you choose not to revisit such incidents or keep referring to your past mistakes. Let the dead remain dead, always remembering that there has to be a leaving before there can be a cleaving (Gen 2:22-25). If you can't leave the past alone, you may not be able to cleave to your future spouse successfully.

- Aim at resolving, and not winning.

You should not see your partner as a separate person. The two of you are supposed to be one. If you understand this, then the competitive stance in arguments will be avoided. Have you ever struggled to beat yourself or push yourself aside? Besides, if you win an argument with your partner, to whom will you tell the victory story? You do not deserve a handshake, as you will just shot yourself in the leg. Let your chief aim in any argument with your partner be how to resolve the matter. Avoid concentrating on winning, for this will only create further strife and resentment between you.

- See the positive side of every thing.

Life is always as you choose to see it. To the pessimist, the glass will always be half-empty, while the optimist see the glass as half-full.

Some body once said that nothing is as bad as they say it is. It can only be as bad as you want it to be. Perhaps this is a partial truth, but your partner's action can actually have the interpretation you give them. If you believe that he or she means well, you will rarely have problems with the things he or she does that you don't agree with. Critical eyes will always see faults, even where there are none. Always strive to be positive, at least until you can identify a repeated pattern of unwholesome behaviour. This way, you will be saving yourself many fights in your relationship.

- Personalize your resentment.

When there is a disagreement, do not launch an all-out verbal attack at your partner. Watch how you say what you have to say. Make "I" statement: for instance, instead of saying, 'it is only an irresponsible person that will not call or text his lover.' say something like, ' you know I get worried when you don't call or text me. Making "I" statement affords you the opportunity to take responsibility for your perspective and feelings in such a way that the focus is on you (as if you are the really problem) and not on your partner. This removes the tone of accusation, criticism and attack from your statement.

- Talk about it.

In the heat of a bad situation, do not be the evasive parties by taking an 'I don't want to talk about it' position. No matter who you imagine is at fault, call for a talk and enter into dialogue. Talk about it. One of you may be surprised to discover that he or she is overacting and that the situation is not exactly what he or she imagined it to be. By the time you have talked in a peaceful atmosphere, new facts may have come to light. You may even laugh at your mistakes. A bad situation won't get out of hand unless you can't talk about it.

Some people say, a prayerless believer is a powerless believer. In this contest, a communicationless friendship or relationship is a powerless platform. It’s simple yet complex.

Communication is not the ability to be listening or talking without a response from the other person.

Communication involves the act of talking and listening and talking. This is the process of you expressing yourself, worth, values, priority, fears, worries and doubts. The sole purpose of communication is to gain knowledge and understanding concerning the person you are communicating with. Communication involves you been sensitive to the peoples feelings because you can build or destroy people with your words or information. The greatest thing God hates is when His children are not talking to him or when his children are not listening to Him. That is why we study our bible, its God's word to us and that is why we pray, its our words back to God.

Without communication, you will be lifeless to the ministry of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit can only operate through you when you listen to him and when you are frequent in communicating with Him.

Visions and prophecies are platforms of God communicating His plan or desires to us. As you can see, communication is a priority in your walk with God. God created Adam because He was looking for a teammate to talk with, and share His plans with. This is the sole reason you were saved into His kingdom. Look at your bible, you will discover that most people that impacted their generation had an effective communication with God.

Taking my point to our daily living, we all must learn to be effective communicator. If you don't talk, you don't love. You can't love some body with the absence of communication. It won't work. It will be selfish in nature. Maturity will never be attain in such relationship. Understanding will be aborted and love will become theory. No experience, no fulfillment.

Communication is in three fold; Verbal, nonverbal and paraverbal.

1. Verbal communication is the usage of spoken words in expressing your self.

2. Nonverbal communication is the usage of facial expression, posture and body languages (character) in expressing your self.

3. Paraverbal communication is the usage of the tone of your voice, the pacing of voice, the volume of your voice when speaking in expressing your self.

Every day, every time and every where you are, you are communicating with either ur words or your attitude. In this platform, you need to understand that Silence also communicates. It communicates hostility, rejection, ignore, isolation, avoidance etc... Every thing u do and say, consciously or not, is sending a message to the people around u.

Every communication is either to show respect or disrespect. There is no two ways about it.

In communication, learn to ask question when u are confused. Assumption or Presumptions are not allowed. Communicate with the aim of understanding the other person and listen with the aim of understanding the other person. Don't always focus on your own point of view. Learn to listen to people from their own point of view in other for you to understand how they truly feel about what they are saying.

In communication, u must accept this, you don't know it all and you don't have it all. Be ready to learn from other people if at all you want people to learn from you. In communication, WHAT you say is not as important as HOW you say them. You can say the right thing in the wrong way.

When you are hurt, stop blaming, or judging the person that hurts you rather, express your hurts and be specific with what you are angry about. The greatest strength in communication is reconciliation.

Don't speak before you think. Think before you speak. Thanks for Reading this. I Hope you have learnt some thing new. 

May the Holy Spirit help you in practicing this Revelation in Jesus Name.

God bless you.

Be Inspired!