*Proverbs 4:23 *Proverbs 23:7 *Galatians 6:3 - 5
WHAT IS ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?
Relationship abuse is a pattern of abusive used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When some one used abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern of control.
HOW IS ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?
Abusive Relationship is a platform where both parties don’t have common values and priority. This is a place where balance does not exist. This is the aspect of relationship where one person lives his or her life for the other person. This is the relationship where one partner does not have a say in the relationship. This is the relationship where one tolerates insult and injustice just because he or she is afraid of being alone. This is a platform where one will settle for less not because they lack respect for their own lives. This is a kind of relationship where some one stays in a relationship that’s not adding value to his or her life.
WHY DOES ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP EXIST?
Abusive Relationship exists because of the following.
Lack of Purpose (2 Timothy1:8-9) Hosea 4:6
Lack of purpose is what makes many people fall into abusive relationship. A personal relationship with the Lord is the only escape root from abusive relationship. The major reason why youths and teenagers keep falling into abusive relationship with people is because they don’t have a personal relationship with the Lord. Even some of the people that have a personal relationship do not always give God a room to make decisions for them.
It’s not okay for you to know that God loves you and Jesus died for your sin; you must find out why God created you. This is what always creates the hunger for you to start a personal relationship with the Lord.
You are not in Christ to be blessed alone; you are in Christ because God created you for a reason and assignment. There is a reason why God created you and you must study your bible and pray to find it out. Your walk with the Lord is not yet balance until you allow the Lord to show you the reason why He created you.
God’s purpose in you + Your purpose in God = Divine Purpose
God has a purpose in you.
There is some thing (an Assignment) God wants to achieve in or through your life. God is interested in transforming you from the sinful nature into the Nature of Christ. God has the purpose of conforming you again into the Image of Christ. God has the purpose of cultivating the fruit of the Spirit in you. All the love God has showered on you is for Him to make you perfect, in other for you to fit into your purpose in Him. All you need to know about what God wants to achieve in your life is all locked up in your bible. You must study the Word of God and meditate to gain the understanding and wisdom behind this kingdom mystery. YOU NEED GOD. (John 15:5)
You have a purpose in God. Eph 2:10 | Eph 5:30
There is some thing (an Assignment) God created you to do. You must relate with the Holy Spirit and study your bible to find out the purpose or reason why God created you. All you need to know about the purpose (what God cannot do without you is in your bible). There is a desire in God that only you have being created to carry it out. Your body, your talent, your creativity, etc are platform God needs to manifest His plan. GOD NEEDS YOU. (Jeremiah 5:1).
Ambition is different from Divine Purpose. Ambition is you carrying out your own desires all by your self without Gods intention. Ambition in one statement is you becoming a god over your own life by your self.
The knowledge and understanding of Gods purpose in you and your purpose in God MUST dictate the kind of people you will allow around you.
Lack of Identity (Matthew 16:13 – 18. *Romans 8:29)
Lack of identity is what makes most people suffer abusive relationship. The knowledge of your purpose in God and Gods purpose in you is what will give you the clarity of who you are. Identity is all about the uniqueness behind your existence. WHO ARE YOU? This is not the function of your name, tribe and background. This is the function of who you were created to become. Apart from the expectation of the people around you – whose expectation are you portraying? Do you know yourself? Do you know what makes you, you? Do you know the expectation or desire of God you were created to reflect? (John 1:19-23)
Identity manifests through CHARACTER, TALENT, & IDEAS. Is this the character God wants you to demonstrate? Are you developing and using your talent according to Gods desire? Are your ideas, reflecting who God is to you? Are you the image of your parents? Are you the image of the society? Are you the image of your friends? Are you the image of yourself? Are you the image of God?
Your identity is about your Calling in Christ (What God has set you apart to do). Your identity is about your Vision in Christ (How to do what God has called you to do). Your identity is about your Assignment (What God want you to do). You identity is about Divine Purpose (why God wants you to do what he has called you to do.)
The only way to find your identity is in the Word of God. You must keep a personal relationship with the Holy Spirit with the aim of you discovering Divine Purpose.
The knowledge and understanding of your Identity through Gods Word is what MUST dictate the IDENTITY of the kind of people you permit around you.
Lack of Values (Matthew 6:21)
Lack of Values is one of the reason why people abusive relationship. VALUES ARE THINGS YOU HAVE ACCEPTED AS TRUE. Values are the beliefs that dictate your priority as an individual. Your value is all about who you believe in and what you believe. Are your values patterned after the person of Jesus? Are your values patterned after the carnality of this sinful world? What are your beliefs? Why do you believe the things you belief? What are your spiritual values? What are your intellectual values? What are your physical values? What are your relational values? What are your social values?
The knowledge and understanding of your VALUES according to Gods Word is what will determine the kind of association you can join.
Lack of Priority (John 4:34)
Lack of Priority is one of the reasons why people keep falling from one abusive relationship to another abusive relationship. Priority is your main (most important) concern or the most important thing to you according to your scale of standard for living. Your priorities in life come from your standard for living. From your personal relationship with the Lord, you must be able to know what ought to be the necessity of your life. What are your main concerns in life? WHAT ARE THE THINGS THAT COMES FIRST IN YOUR LIFE? ARE THEY IN AGREEMENT WITH THE LORD?
Who is prioritizing your life? Is it the media, society, friends, or environmental influences? Is this the standard the Lord Jesus has set for you or this is the standard you have set for your self?
What is your Spiritual Priority? What is your Physical Priority? What is your Intellectual priority? What is your Relational Priority? What is your Social Priority?
The accurate knowledge and understanding about your PRIORITY according to the Gods Word is what will determine what you will permit and what you will not allow around your life or in your life.
WHO IS AT FAULT?
The devil is not at fault. Men are not at fault. Ladies are not at fault. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT IS AT FAULT. It’s either your fault or your choice. Even thou people place pressure on you, you were the only one that took the final decision that allowed him or her to abusive you. You are at fault because you were ignorant about your purpose, identity, values and priority according to Gods expectation for your life.
It’s your fault because you were just doing things according to the purpose people made you believe was the right one for you. You believed every thing every one told you about you, but you never seek to know what God has said about you or saying about you. You abandoned your personal relationship with God and chased after love. Why are looking for love? God is love and Christ in you is love manifested. Stop searching for what’s not missing. Stop running away from the very person you need. You need the Lord. You need the Jesus.
WHERE IS THE WAY FORWARD?
We must find the difference between “long suffering” and “abusive relationship.” Long Suffering is you enduring a situation or an attitude from someone because of Gods instruction to you about that person or thing. Abusive relationship is you settling for less and allowing people to consciously abuse your values and priority because you are afraid to be alone or isolated.
The standard is; treat people the way Jesus treats you. Don’t abuse any one and don’t allow your self to be abused. There is time to say “yes” and there is time to say “No.”(Eccl 3:1).
Understand there is a difference between “my world” and “your world.” There is a difference between “our world” and “my world” or “your world.”
“My world” and “your world” is all about you knowing and respecting the individual differences between you and people. Don’t impose any thing on anyone. Don’t let any body impose any thing on you. (Amos 3:3). Be your self and let people be.
“Our World” is when we can find a common ground between our individual values and priority without abusing each other.
It’s not too late for you. You can come to Jesus! Matthew 11:28
Jesus loves you so much.
Yours sincerely,
Prince Victor Matthew.
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