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Dealing With Their Tone

When you are dating someone, pay attention not only to what they say but also to how they speak to you. Tone often reveals what words are trying to hide. A person may say, “I love you,” while consistently speaking to you with contempt, sarcasm, intimidation, or unnecessary aggression. Healthy love does not require you to become comfortable with disrespect. Before you commit your future to someone, learn to observe how they communicate when they are happy, angry, disappointed, corrected, or challenged.

The way someone speaks during disagreement matters because marriage will not eliminate conflict. Dating is an opportunity to discover whether two people can communicate through differences without destroying one another emotionally. You should not have to constantly calculate your words because you are afraid of how the person will react. You should not call verbal aggression “their personality” simply because you are emotionally attached. Scripture says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). This does not mean you should tolerate manipulation or abuse. It means healthy communication should be pursued by both people.

Ask yourself honestly: How does this person speak to me when they do not get what they want? Can we disagree without insults? Can they correct me without humiliating me? Can I express my feelings without being mocked? If their tone consistently makes you feel small, frightened, worthless, or controlled, do not ignore what you are experiencing simply because you are hoping they will change after marriage. Marriage does not automatically heal unhealthy communication patterns.

You also need to examine your own tone. Healthy relationships are not built by one person demanding respect while speaking disrespectfully. If both people are committed to purpose, they must learn to communicate in a way that protects dignity, truth, peace, and progress. Your relationship should help both of you become better stewards of your calling, not create an environment where one person is constantly recovering from the other's words.

Do not settle for a relationship where disrespect has become the price of companionship. Love does not require you to accommodate abuse, and patience does not mean surrendering your boundaries. A relationship aligned with God's purpose should create room for correction, growth, accountability, friendship, and mutual honor. Before asking, “Do they love me?” also ask, “Can we build a life together without destroying each other's emotional and spiritual wellbeing?”

Hope Expression Values You 
Apostle Prince Victor Matthew 

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