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Dealing With Their Lack of Effort

One of the most painful experiences in dating is trying to build a relationship with someone who wants the benefits of connection without the responsibility of participation. You may constantly initiate conversations, plan meetings, resolve conflicts, encourage their dreams, and make sacrifices while they contribute very little. Eventually, you begin calling your exhaustion “love” and their passivity “their personality.” That is not sustainable.

Love should produce intentionality. Scripture says, “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men” (Colossians 3:23). While this verse is not specifically a dating command, it reveals a kingdom principle: whatever we commit ourselves to should receive responsible effort. A relationship does not require perfect equality in every moment, because seasons differ, but there should be evidence that both people are invested. You should not constantly have to convince someone to participate in a relationship they claim to value.

Ask yourself: Am I the only one initiating? Am I always the one apologizing first? Am I carrying the emotional responsibility for both of us? Does this person make sacrifices for the relationship, or do they only respond when I complain? Do they support my purpose while expecting me to accommodate theirs? These questions can expose an uncomfortable truth: sometimes you are not experiencing a lack of love but a lack of willingness.

Do not confuse patience with carrying someone who has no intention of walking beside you. There is a difference between supporting someone through a difficult season and permanently compensating for their lack of responsibility. A relationship aligned with purpose requires cooperation. Your partner does not have to become your assistant, but both of you should be willing to contribute to the health and direction of the relationship.

You deserve a relationship where effort is mutual, communication is intentional, and both people understand that love requires participation. Do not settle simply because someone occasionally gives you attention after long periods of neglect. Look at the pattern. Healthy relationships are not sustained by one person's determination. If you continually have to chase effort from someone you are considering building a future with, stop and ask whether you are already carrying a responsibility that was meant to be shared.

Hope Expression Values You 
Apostle Prince Victor Matthew 

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