Beloved of God, sometimes, the problem in a relationship is not that you are asking for too much, but that you are expecting the wrong person to provide what only God can give you. As a single person or someone already in love, it is important to understand what you are actually looking for in a relationship. Biblical standards are healthy expectations rooted in God's Word, character, faithfulness and mutual responsibility. Unrealistic expectations, however, demand perfection, constant validation, financial security, emotional fulfillment or a particular lifestyle from another person. Matthew 6:33 reminds us to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Your relationship should complement your walk with God, not replace it.
How do you know when expectations have become entitlement? Entitlement says, “Because you love me, you must always understand me, provide for me, agree with me, make me happy and meet all my needs.” Healthy love says, “I will honor you, communicate honestly, serve you and grow with you.” Philippians 2:3 to 4 teaches us to consider others and look beyond our own interests. This does not mean accepting abuse, manipulation or a lack of responsibility. It means learning how to love without making your partner responsible for everything happening inside you. You need to know what belongs to you, what belongs to your partner and what belongs to God.
Why do unrealistic expectations develop? Sometimes comparison teaches us what love should look like before we have allowed Scripture to teach us. Social media can make another person's relationship appear perfect while hiding their private struggles. You may see vacations, gifts, romantic surprises and beautiful pictures and begin to believe that your relationship is failing because yours does not look the same. But love is not measured by Instagram posts. Proverbs 19:11 teaches the value of wisdom and patience. Where comparison becomes the standard, gratitude disappears. When you constantly compare your lover to someone else's partner, you may fail to recognize the person God has placed beside you and the work He is doing in both of you.
Who, then, should complete your purpose? Genesis 2:18 shows that God created companionship and partnership, but your identity and ultimate purpose must remain rooted in Him. Your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, wife or husband is not your Messiah. Your partner can encourage you, walk with you, support your assignment and build with you, but they cannot become your source of identity. If you are single, this is the season to discover who you are in Christ rather than desperately searching for someone to give you significance. If you are in love, ask whether the relationship is helping both of you pursue God's purpose or slowly becoming the purpose itself. The healthiest relationship is not where two people use each other to escape loneliness, but where two people encounter Christ and learn to walk together in His direction.
So, where and when should this alignment begin? It begins where you are and now. Do not wait until marriage to confront entitlement, comparison, insecurity or misplaced expectations. Before you ask God for the right person, allow Him to make you the right person. Before demanding that someone understand you, learn to understand yourself through the Holy Spirit. Before asking, “What can this relationship give me?” ask, “What am I becoming through Christ, and how can I love this person according to God's purpose?” Are you looking for a partner to complete your purpose or someone with whom you can pursue God's purpose? Are your standards biblical or influenced by social media? Are you loving your partner or quietly making them responsible for your happiness? And if God removed the relationship today, would you still know who you are, what you carry and where you are going in Christ?
Hope Expression Values You
Apostle Prince Victor Matthew
Comments