When it comes to relationships, every step should be intentional, guided by wisdom, and rooted in faith. As Christian youth, it's important to understand that the journey toward marriage involves different stages, each with its own purpose and significance. Let’s explore these three stages: “Can we be friends?”, “Can we date?”, and “Will you marry me?” Each stage builds on the other, creating a foundation for a Christ-centered relationship.
Stage 1: Can We Be Friends?
Friendship is the foundation of any meaningful relationship. Before diving into a romantic relationship, it’s essential to first build a solid friendship. When someone asks, “Can we be friends?”, it’s an invitation to get to know each other on a deeper level without the pressure of romance.
During this stage, focus on understanding each other’s values, interests, and faith. Proverbs 17:17 reminds us that "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." True friendship involves love, support, and a willingness to stand by each other through life’s ups and downs.
Being friends allows you to observe how the other person handles challenges, how they treat others, and how they live out their faith. It’s a time to develop trust and respect, which are crucial for any future relationship. Don’t rush this stage; instead, let the friendship grow naturally. Remember, a strong friendship is the cornerstone of a lasting relationship.
Stage 2: Can We Date?
After establishing a solid friendship, the next stage is the proposal to date. When someone asks, “Can we date?”, they’re expressing a desire to explore a romantic relationship with the intention of seeing if you’re compatible for marriage. This stage is often where emotions can become more involved, so it’s essential to proceed with caution and prayer.
Dating as a Christian is not about casual flings or seeing how many people you can date before settling down. It’s a purposeful journey to discern whether this person could be your future spouse. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us to "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." In other words, keep God at the center of your dating relationship, seeking His guidance every step of the way.
During this stage, it’s important to have open and honest conversations about your goals, boundaries, and expectations. Dating should be a time of discovery—learning about each other’s dreams, faith, and how you might complement each other in a marriage. Be intentional about spending time together in various settings, observing how you both interact with family, friends, and in your church community. This will help you discern if you’re truly compatible for the long haul.
Stage 3: Will You Marry Me?
The final stage of a proposal is the marriage proposal itself. When someone asks, “Will you marry me?”, it’s a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together, growing in love and faith. Marriage is a sacred covenant, one that should not be entered into lightly. Ephesians 5:31-33 speaks to the seriousness of this commitment, saying, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church."
Before reaching this stage, both individuals should have a clear understanding of what marriage entails. It’s more than just romantic feelings; it’s a lifelong partnership, a journey of growing closer to God together. It’s crucial to seek premarital counseling, engage in deep conversations about your future, and ensure that you’re both on the same page regarding faith, family, and life goals.
When you say “yes” to marriage, you’re committing to love, honor, and support each other for life. This commitment should be rooted in Christ, who is the ultimate example of love and sacrifice. As 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 reminds us, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Let this scripture guide you as you prepare for marriage.
Dear young believer, relationships are a journey, and each stage of a proposal has its own unique purpose. Don’t rush through these stages, but instead, approach each one with prayer, patience, and wisdom. Whether you’re building a friendship, exploring a dating relationship, or preparing for marriage, keep Christ at the center, and trust in His timing and plan for your life.
As you navigate these stages, remember that a relationship grounded in faith and friendship is one that can withstand the storms of life. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Let this be your guiding principle as you journey toward finding and committing to a life partner.
Hope Expression celebrates you.
Prince Victor Matthew
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