Keep your
promises.
Don't ever
make a promise that you can't keep -- or at least don't make a habit of it. If
you say you'll hang out with a friend and a legitimate conflict arises, explain
the situation and trust that the friendship is strong enough for the noes as
well as the yeses. If you just cannot go, give your friend a gift and tell him
or her sorry. Nobody's perfect, and it's okay if you skip out on a promise once
in a blue moon, but don't make it a regular thing. If this is recurring over
time then you will probably be seen as not trustworthy as you cannot be trusted
to be committed to someone such as your friend
When you
make a serious promise, look at your friend in the eyes and speak slowly to
show that you really mean it instead of just saying it because you think that
you should. Do not break any such promise which will hurt your friend.
Be
dependable.
Being
dependable is one of the most important aspects of being a good friend.
Especially in hard times your friend will need you for support. Nobody likes a
fake, and nobody wants one for a close friend. It's hard to rely on a person
who doesn't behave in a consistent and trustworthy way. We all know
well-intentioned but flaky people who say, "Okay, I will..." but
never follow through. If that's you, know that you're eroding your friends'
trust; eventually they'll stop believing what you say [be right back]
If you're
not sure you can do something, don't agree to do it and flake out later.
Instead, be honest about the fact that you're not sure if you can make it.
Your friends
should always feel like they can count on you, even when the going gets tough.
If you're only there for the fun times, you'll be no more than a fair-weather
friend.
Apologize
when you've made a mistake.
If you want
your friends to trust you, then you can't act like you're flawless. If you know
you've made a mistake, own up to it instead of being in denial. Though your
friends won't be happy that you made a mistake, they'll be very pleased that
you're mature and grounded enough to admit it instead of just pretending that
nothing is wrong, or worse -- blaming it on someone else.
When you say
sorry, you should mean it. Let your friends hear the sincerity in your voice
instead of thinking that you don't really care how they feel.
Be honest.
If you want
to be a good friend and to have people trust you, then you have to be honest
about your feelings, about your friends' actions, and about how you feel about
your friendship. If you're honest about how you feel, that will open up direct
lines of communication with your friends and will make them more likely to open
up to you. If your friend hurt you, don't be afraid to talk about it; if
something is upsetting you, don't feel too shy to open up to your friend about
it.
Being honest
is different from being so blunt that you're hurting your friends. If you think
your friend has a drinking problem, for example, then you owe it to your friend
to start a conversation about it. But if you think your friend looks kind of
weird in her new dress, you may want to keep your mouth shut.
Be real.
Connect with
people whom you value on a deep level if you want to have sustainable,
long-term friendships. Invest in people you can be yourself around. If your
behavior lacks sincerity, your friendship won't last.
Don't use
people.
If one of
your friends suspects that you're just using them, then they'll drop you like a
hot potato. Good friendships don't arise from hoping someone else's popularity
or networks will rub off on you. If you're trying to be friends with a person
just to be accepted into a certain clique, that's not friendship – it's
opportunism – and eventually the shallow nature of your involvement will reveal
itself.
And if you
have a reputation of using people, then new people won't be too excited to
start a friendship with you.
A friendship
is about give and take. Sure, it may be really convenient that one of your
friends gives you a ride to school every day, but make sure that you do
something for that friend in return.
Be loyal.
If your
friend tells you something in confidence, keep it and don't talk about it with
anyone else, just as you'd expect your friend to do for you. Don't discuss your
friend behind his or her back, and don't spread rumors about the confidences
they've imparted to you. Never say anything about your friend that you would
not be prepared to repeat to their face. Be loyal to your true friends and be
prepared to defend them if your new friends, or people you barely know, start
gossiping about them.
Part of
being loyal is understanding the importance of a long-lasting and stable
friendship. Don't throw all that away just to spend all your time hanging out
with your new boyfriend or girlfriend or a cool new person you just met.
If you have
a reputation for being a blabbermouth or a gossip, then your friends will
quickly find out and they'll be hesitant to reveal anything personal to you in
the future -- or even to spend much time with you at all.
Don't let
others say bad things about your friend, either. Until you've had a chance to
hear your friend's side of the story, treat comments that are not supportive as
hearsay and rumors. If someone says something that shocks you and doesn't seem
like a thing your friend would do or say, then respond with something like,
"I know him/her, and that just doesn't sound right. Let me talk to
him/her, find out his/her perspective on this. Until then, I would appreciate
it if you didn't spread that around."
Be
respectful.
Good friends
show respect for each other by being openly and mutually supportive. If your
friend has certain values and beliefs that don't align with your own, respect
his or her choices and be open to hearing more about them. If you want your
friend to trust you, then your friend should feel comfortable voicing opinions
that you may not agree with, or discussing a new perspective with you. If your
friend thinks that you'll shoot down any interesting or original idea that he
or she may have, then your friendship won't be valued.
Sometimes
your friend will say things that you find boring, uncomfortable or annoying,
but if you have respect for your friend, you'll give your friend the space to
speak, and to do so without judgment.
During times
when you don't see eye to eye with your friend, disagree respectfully and be
willing to see things differently.
Be selfless.
Though you
can't be selfless all the time, being selfless is an important part of being a
good friend. Accommodate your friend's wishes whenever you can, provided this
is done in a balanced way. Reciprocate his or her acts of kindness with caring
deeds of your own, and your friendship will be strengthened. If you get a
reputation for being selfish and only being around your friends when you need
some help, then people will know you're not looking out for them.
Do a favor
for your friend just out of the goodness of your heart, not because you want
something in return.
There's a
difference between being selfless at the right time and letting people walk all
over you. If you feel like you're always helping your friends and get nothing
back, then you have a problem.
Don't abuse
generosity or wear out your welcome. When your friend does something nice for
you, then reciprocate quickly. Pay back money you borrow promptly. Go home when
it seems like the time is right.
Be a good
listener.
Don't monopolize conversations and take the
time to truly understand and support your friend when he is talking to you. It
sounds simple, but make sure you're listening as much as you're talking about
yourself. If you're monopolizing every conversation with your feelings, your
friend isn't getting anything out of the relationship. Listening opens space
between the two of you and reassures your friend that you care.
If you're
just waiting for your friend to finish talking so you can say what you want to
say, it'll be obvious right away.
Try to
strike a balance of letting your friend talk about half of the time. Though
some people are more shy than others, if your friend feels like he can't get a
word in when he's around you, it'll be hard to have a thriving friendship.
Help your
friends deal with their struggles.
To be truly
supportive, you'll have to be able to watch out for your friends when they're
having a tough time. If you sense that your friend is getting into some sort of
trouble over which they have little control, such as taking drugs, being
promiscuous or getting too drunk at a party, help him or her get away from the
situation by not being afraid to speak up about it.
Don't assume
that your friend can handle it alone; this may be the very time that your voice
of common sense is needed to wake them from their fugue. If you see a problem,
speak up, no matter how awkward you may feel.
Let your
friend know that you can give him a shoulder to cry on during this tough time.
If your friend feels less alone, it'll be easier for them to deal with their
troubles.
If all your
friend wants to do about the problem is to talk, that's fine at first, but you
should help your friend find practical solutions to his problems.
For example,
if your friend admitted to having an eating disorder and simply promises to
start eating more, you need to talk about taking more serious measures to
address the problem, like talking to a health professional.
Be there in
a time of crisis.
If your
friend has to go to the hospital, visit. If his dog runs away, help to find it.
If she needs someone to pick him/her up, be there. Take notes for your friend
in school when he or she is absent. Send cards and care packages when you're
living far apart. If there is a death in his/her family, attend the funeral.
Let your friend see that he can count on you any time.
Just make
sure that your friend isn't always in the middle of some kind of crisis,
however contrived it may be. You should be there to help out during the hard
times, but that can't be the basis of your whole relationship.
Part of
being there for your friend in a crisis is providing emotional support, too.
Care about your friend enough to help him or her open up and let the tears
roll. Hand him or her a tissue and listen openly. You don't have to say
anything if nothing seems right; just stay calm and reassuring.
If your
friend is going through a crisis, don't say, "Everything is going to be
all right" if it's not going to be. It's hard not to say that sometimes,
but false reassurance can often be worse than none. Instead, let your friend
know you are there for him or her. Stay honest, but upbeat and positive.
If your
friend begins talking about committing suicide, tell someone about it. This
rule overrides the "respect privacy" step, because even if your
friend begs you not to tell anyone, you should do it anyway. Suggest a help
line or professional to your friend. Talk to your and your friend's parents or
spouse(unless they are the ones causing the problems) before involving anyone
else.
Give
thoughtful advice.
To be a good
friend, you should be able to weigh your friend's situation from his or her
perspective and to provide your opinion without insisting that your friend
should do whatever you say. Don't judge your friend; simply advise him or her
when he or she reaches out.
Avoid giving
unsought for advice. Allow venting where needed and be willing to offer advice
if it's clear that it's sought. Always ask before assuming you can give advice.
In some
cases, a friend could use a little tough love to keep him or her out of a
dangerous situation. Use discretion here; you don't want to lecture or
overwhelm your friend. Tell him or her how you perceive the situation using
factual information, and suggest what you might do in the same circumstances.
Give your
friend some space when he needs it
Part of
being supportive means supporting the fact that your friend won't always want
to spend time with you. Learn to step back and give your friend space.
Understand if your friend wants to be alone or to hang out with other people.
There's no need to become clingy or needy. If you're clingy and check in with
your friend every two seconds if he or she isn't around, you'll start to look
like a possessive significant other, and that will not be appreciated.
Don't get
jealous if your friend has lots of other friends. Every relationship is special
and different, and that doesn't mean that your friend doesn't appreciate you.
Allowing one
another the time to hang with other friends gives you much-needed breathing
room, and allows you to come together fresh and appreciating each other even
more.
Learn to
forgive.
If you want
your friendship to last, then you should be able to forgive your friend and to
move forward. If you hold a grudge and let your bitterness and resentment build
up, then you won't be able to move forward. Recognize that nobody's perfect and
that if your friend is sincerely sorry and that if he or she didn't do
something too horrible, that you should move past it.
If your
friend really did do something so unforgivable that you just can't get past it,
then it's better to move on than to try to save the friendship when it's
doomed. But this should happen very rarely.
If you're
angry at your friend but haven't told him or her why, you'll never be able to
forgive him if you don't talk about it.
Accept your
friend for who he or she is.
To make your
friendship thrive, you shouldn't try to change your friend or make your friend
see the world from your perspective. If you're conservative and your friend is
liberal, then accept that instead of trying to argue about it all the time. You
should appreciate the fresh perspective your friend can bring to your
experiences instead of wanting your friend to see everything from your
perspective.
The more you
are with one another, the less you idealize each other and the more you accept
one another for who you really are. This is what being a truly good friend is
really about –- caring deeply for each other, even if you know you're both full
of flaws.
Go beyond
the call of duty.
A friend
will wait while you do your homework. A great friend stays up all night
helping. Remember that if you are a good friend, people want to be a good
friend to you. Recognize the moments when you need to go above and beyond to
help your friend and know that this will make your friendship grow, and that your
friend will do the same for you in return.
If your
friend really needs you and keeps saying, "No, you don't have to do
that..." learn to read between the lines and know that your friend really
does need you.
Stay in
touch no matter what.
As the years
pass, people tend to grow apart. Maybe you and a friend will move to different
places and only see each other every once in a while. Sometimes years may
elapse without much contact. If you never stop caring about your friend, speak
up. He or she will be happy to hear from you. You were friends for a reason in
the past, and you may find the same bond still ties you together.
Don't let
your location determine the strength of your bond. If your friendship is
meaningful, then it should keep growing even if you're an ocean apart.
Make a goal
of having monthly phone or Skype dates with your friend even if you're in a
completely different time zone. If keeping up with your friend becomes a
routine, your relationship will continue to thrive.
Let your
friendship evolve.
If you want
to be a good friend, then you have to understand that your friendship won't be
the same in high school, college, or in the adult world. Sure, when you were
fourteen, you might have spent all of your time with your best friend, but by
the time you went off to separate colleges or started your serious
relationships, you naturally spent less time talking. This doesn't mean that
your friendship isn't as strong; it just means that your lives are evolving,
and your friendship is taking on a different shape over the years.
Don't try to
make your friendship be exactly the same as it was ten years ago. Think of it
as elastic, not solid.
If your
friend is married with two kids or even just in a serious relationship and
you're not, be respectful of the fact that, while your friend really cares for
you, she won't be on call 24/7 like she used to be.
Appreciate
the changes your friendship has made over the years, and learn to grow along
with your relationship.
You don't
have to spend a lot of time and money to be a good friend. The best gifts are
often handmade and come from the heart. A phone call can mean as much as a
visit.
Enjoy one
another's company.
It's not all
about bleeding hearts and advice to the lovelorn - or at least, it shouldn't
be. Be sure to have fun together and do spontaneous activities now and then. Be
a positive force in your friend's life.
A friend who
is only available at school or work is still a friend. Be very glad for that
special kind of friendship associated with the place where you share time
together.
If your
friend makes a promise and doesn't keep it then don't do the same to them or
you will keep repeating the pattern.
Don't set
too many expectations and rules. Allow your friendship to evolve and change
naturally.
Tease friends
about something they're proud of.
The better
you know your friend, the easier it is to find the things they're sensitive
about and use teasing to pick them up instead of tearing them down.
Don't try to
be the same as your friend - differences are what make great friends. Plus, it
can get irritating. Embrace your differences and be proud of them! Do make sure
not to be so different that your friendship breaks.
Tell your
friend how much you appreciate their company or how they were with you when you
needed them. It will brighten up their day and affirm your friendship.
Honest
communication is a basic foundation in a friendship. If you and your friend
can't talk to each other freely then you are set up for a difficult and
possibly doomed relationship.
Be there for
your friend during hard times
TIPS
Don't expect
instant or life-long friendship; realize that, if it is to be something
special, it may develop quite gradually.
If your
friend doesn't treat you well while you treat them well, then there's no reason
to stay friends.
Don't stay close friends with anyone who doesn't treat you
well.
When
spending time with your friend, whether having a meal together or just hanging
out, both of you should turn your cell phones off. It's very off-putting to
have a conversation constantly interrupted by a ringing phone. He or she may
feel that you're not paying attention to them or don't value your time
together.
Don't talk
about things that may make your friend uncomfortable. Nobody wants to be around
an uncomfortable person. For example, if your friend's relative just passed
away, don't talk about something surrounding death. (Note: It's OK to ask about
her feelings about the death. Maybe she wants help surrounding the situation.
It's not good to just ignore it.)
Don't share
your feelings when you know the person can't be trusted because she/he might
use it against you someday.
No one likes
an insulting friend, be careful when you tease them! If your friend asks you to
stop, heed the request and stop right away otherwise you will end up with no
one.
Try to be
nice, assuming you can.
If a friend
is friend with someone else that you don't feel right about, talk to him/her
about it. That could also save them from the mistake, and you from a bad
friendship!
If your
friend is starting to make new friends, don't turn jealous. No one likes a
jealous friend. Have faith in your friendship. However, if your friend is
ignoring you because of this friend, talk to them about it. They have no right
to ditch their best friend.
May the Holy Spirit help you to become a Godly friend to your friends in Jesus Name
Receive the wisdom, knowledge and understanding to become the BEST in life in Jesus Name.
May the Holy Spirit help you to improve in Jesus Name
Jesus loves you so much.
Be inspired!
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